Facing the Fire to Take Back My Power

Here I am twelve years ago sharing my story in D.C.

Twelve years ago this time I found myself with a microphone in my hand, giving speeches and sharing my story on Capitol Hill. I sat at tables with the head of the FDA and other members of Congress on a journey to affect change when it comes to the safety of our personal care products. 

Why did I do this? I was being as proactive as possible during a time in my life when I lost so much of my personal power to chemical poisoning from a toxic salon product. 

What happened? Most of my life I dealt with mystery illness as it was. Always sick with strange symptoms, given misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis or sometimes no diagnosis, I floated around in a state of extreme unwellness. 

My original background is writing (I am a writer at heart), and I studied journalism. I bounced from that career when I felt stifled and bound by it, held down an interesting range of jobs, and found myself longing to cultivate my creativity with a career as a hairstylist. My grandmother had owned a salon in Paterson, NJ and I spent so much of my time there as a child. It always called to me but I never considered it as something I could actually do. 

I left my corporate job in Manhattan and went to Cosmetology school there. Early into my exciting career as a hairstylist in the city, I worked at a salon that used hair keratin treatments, most notably the Brazilian Blowout. What I did not know, nor did any other stylists and clients, is that the main ingredient in this specialty product is formaldehyde. (Fun fact - most of the products changed their labels so it doesn’t say “formaldehyde” but the ingredients when heated still turn into it). 

Every day I breathed in these fumes in a small, stuffy salon space. I began to become very, very ill on top of what I was already experiencing. I had a wide range of symptoms and when I got to the point that I was barely functioning, I went to the local health clinic in Jersey City for help. 

I was diagnosed with chemical poisoning and told that my body was in an extreme reaction state. If I stayed at that salon I would become sicker. I cried on the sidewalk as I walked home. I felt so violated and angry, as well as sad. 

I quit that salon the next day to find a new space that did not allow for such toxic services, as well as freelance work where I had control over the products I used.

Working as a hair stylist in Manhattan. My heart was in it but my body was struggling to keep up at this point.

But my body wasn’t having it. Every day was an incredible struggle. My body was overloaded and overwhelmed and I was hanging on by a thread. 

No doctor would or could help me. I did not fit into their box. They would dismiss me as crazy or just throw their hands up. 

So I had to take matters into my own hands and heal myself. 

And that is exactly what I did. 

Since journalism is my background, I am excellent at research. I read and investigated every aspect of these products, formaldehyde poisoning and natural ways to heal myself. 

It was quite the deep dive into this topic, which I am now extremely well versed in. 

I removed everything toxic that I used in my home or put on my body, including the brand of deodorant I used. I went over a year without makeup until I could find a brand that I felt comfortable with. No more perfume, only special nail polish, no more dryer sheets … anything you can think of, I had to give it up. 

And I had to get sicker before I healed. I could not leave the house without a mask because other people’s laundry detergent, cologne, and perfume would make me incredibly ill. I got negative looks and nasty comments from people on the subway. I felt so self-conscious and on display when I left the house. 

Friends and family did not understand my struggle or what I was going through. It was very isolating and I could feel their frustration. It was difficult for them to comprehend really what was happening to me. People distanced themselves from me or would express annoyance when I had to miss events. I felt ashamed and embarrassed even though I had not done anything wrong.

My memory was suffering, I vomited up nearly every food I ate and was living off of protein shakes. Headaches, tremors, chest pains, rashes, malaise, the deepest fatigue, breathing issues and brain fog, to name some of my symptoms.

I was so sensitive to toxic chemicals that while visiting a family member out of state I had to sleep on the bathroom floor because the new rugs and mattresses made it difficult to breathe. 

It was time to accept myself fully and not deny who I really am.

But the biggest part of my healing came when I accepted the part of myself that I had been denying all of these years, the part of myself I was constantly being nudged to acknowledge yet I kept pushing away.

That would be my spiritual self. My gifts of healing, of mediumship, of holistic knowledge and witchy ways. My true, authentic self. 

Actual footage of me doing healing work

I leaned into the crystals I had been drawn to as a child and started connecting with them on a whole new level. Suddenly I could only hold my piece of Amethyst for a few seconds at a time because the energy was so strong for my highly sensitized and healing body. It took months before I could fully sit with that amazing crystal. 

I started to learn energy healing and how to work with energy. It came naturally to me, and I began to accept who I really am at the core. That was a process within itself. 

This path helped me to heal, and guided me to where I really am meant to be. 

Amethyst has been a special crystal on my healing journey.

It is still a process. Even now, I still have some unresolved health dilemmas I am dealing with. Some from the lifelong mystery illness and some residual from the formaldehyde poisoning. There is a lot to unpack, deep layers of stored trauma in every part of my being to uncover, address and heal. I have come so very far! I have healed so much since then! 

Leaving the hair industry was so difficult to do. But I know that sharing my gifts with others is a huge part of my journey. I am where I am meant to be. 

When I first was poisoned I did the one thing I knew how to do - write. I wrote a blog piece that gained so much traction. It was picked up by different organizations (thank you, Women’s Voices for the Earth!!) with whom I worked with for advocating safer salon and personal care products, along with other peers who became ill the same way. I found myself giving many interviews, connecting with others who have been injured, speaking on Capitol Hill, being part of a weekly radio show and even as a guest on the Dr. Oz show to share my story.

I worked really hard to spread the word and try to prevent other people from experiencing the same kind of traumatic health issues. To this day, people still find me and ask for help or share their stories. 

And most importantly, I took my power back. 

Why am I telling you this? First, it’s too cool a story not to share 😁! But, really, I want you to know that I hear you. I see you. I have been where you are and I know how hard the struggle can be on this journey. That feeling of despair and hopelessness is so very scary. The unknown and the uncertainty can make you feel lost and not yourself. I have been there and made it through the other side. I am almost at the first finish line I have set for myself. And I can help you get there, too. 

Reclaiming the fire within

Work with me to help take your power back, find that inner voice and your spark again. You have so much to offer, and I know how frustrating it is to feel held back because of illness, depression, spiritual crisis and overall disconnection. Here’s to reclaiming your fire! 

To meet with Dawn, please visit HealbyDawn.com.