Reclaiming your Passion after a Dark Night of the Soul

During my worst Dark Night of the Soul, and in the empty void space that followed,  I did not write a single thing. Books bored me … my favorite retreat, my passion, almost repulsed me. I did not have the mind space for reading, writing or creating art. I could not focus on the words of books or comprehend what I was reading. I had no desire and oh, how it frustrated me! I was so upset … is this my new normal? I am a writer. I am an artist. I love to read. What is happening to me? 

When James and I would browse book fairs and used book shops I found that nothing called to me anymore. I would gather a few books out of habit and they would sit on the shelf, collecting dust from incense and neglect. I would stare at them across the room, narrowing my eyes in an angry glare. What is wrong with me? 

I am a writer. At a young age I began devouring every book, article and advertisement I came across. I sat with small stacks of library books nearby, pouring through every page. Taking sheets of paper with pencil I would write small stories that at first I only shared with my grandpa. For a child, the content was pretty dark. For some reason, that was always my writing style. A dark edge to each piece, a tone born of sorrow and cynicism. (You can imagine my delight when I was older and discovered Plath). 

The passion of writing fueled me, as did avidly reading a variety of books. Classics to trashy beach reads, it didn’t matter if it caught my interest. I am a poet. My best poems are born from grief and anger. While I lost my favorite collection I had penned long ago during a move, you can find them scattered in notebooks all throughout my home from decades ago. I devour poetry just as I do novels and the like. 

Every Writer’s Secret Weapon
Scroll down to the bottom for ways to work with Flower Agate as pictured

It was not surprising when I went on to study journalism and art history. Everyone knew me as a writer, and people typically gifted me books of different genres and unique journals to share my thoughts in.

So when I suddenly had no desire to write or pick up a book, it crushed me. I felt so confused. Who am I? Where did my passion go? Why is this happening? 

These questions kept me up at night. I stared at the ceiling in a dark bedroom, waiting for sunrise as sleep escaped me often during this Dark Night. I felt so sad, scared and alone. Parts of me were shattering, some to return in a healed capacity, others to stay forgotten and dissolved in the fray. 

Does this sound like you? Have you lost the capacity to engage in your passions? 

I understand, I have been there - more than once. 

As I continue to share the depths of my journey through multiple Dark Nights and the abyss that would follow, please know that you are not alone. My most brutal Dark Night was also my greatest awakening. An internal shifting and transformation that re-shaped who I thought myself to exist as. But these core pieces of my soul never really left me. The passions that light us up never really go away. They may be put on hold or paused as you go through the thick of it, but you will in time rediscover these ingrained aspects of yourself. 

You may be thinking, “okay but how???” just as I was years ago. Well, that answer is not so simple and very layered. Stick around for more insight and guidance. I can tell you that resistance makes it worse. Embrace where you are currently at and know that it will be okay. You will find yourself again. Start slowly and with small steps. If nothing is calling to you and nothing is lighting you up inside, just be gentle with yourself for now. 

Your Inner Child needs healing and attention. Close your eyes and ask your Inner Child, 

“What do you most need right now?” 

The first thing that comes to you is the answer. One time, my Inner Child told me she wanted hot chocolate. It may be as simple as that. You may receive a much deeper answer in the moment. Take what comes and start from there. As you establish a relationship, this trust and companionship will grow. Hug yourself and be good to yourself. 

Knowing that this is temporary will help you as you move through this fog.  

After much inner work, healing and time so much of myself is starting to re-emerge. And I am still on the healing journey! The twists, turns, dips and bumps in the long road become more familiar and comfortable to navigate the way back home. I am back to writing, my frantic style spilling out into the corners of our home with scraps of paper full of ideas and sentences to use later, clumsy piles of journals adorned with scribbled writing of an inspired woman eager to get out what feels trapped inside, multiple tabs open on the laptop with half-started paragraphs, ideas and fragments of works in progress. I am back! 

Books for days! Spending the afternoon at Quadrant Book Mart in Easton, PA.

Books from our regular outings now find new spots on shelves to take up space, only this time I am reading them again. Reconnecting with my favorite lady, Sylvia, and all of the other greats, classics and occasional newcomers. 

I am delighted to have this piece of me coming home, returning to settle inside my very being. The fire, the fuel, reignited. I remember myself as a little girl, sitting on her bed with a notepad and pencil, crossing out words as I shaped and reshaped the story I wanted to share until it was just right. Now I am here and ready to share again. I am happy to be back. 

________________________________

Are you experiencing this loss of passion, loss of self right now? Comment below and share your experience.

I am a spiritual medium and channeler, certified crystal healer, trance healer, intuitive tarot reader, published author and artist. Please visit healbydawn.com to learn more or connect if you are in need of assistance.

The crystal in the photo of the thesaurus is Flower Agate. Work with this crystal when nurturing the creative side of your business, for working through deep emotions to make space for the new and to connect to feelings of wholeness. The energy of Flower Agate can help you align more to your purpose. The crystal showed me you may work with this energy to shine light in spaces where you are holding deep pain, bringing in more energetic flow and movement. Flower Agate will help you move through pain in the body from Ancestral trauma and help you to find more mental clarity. Engage with this crystal to connect to your Divine Feminine and creative energies.

My recent books, “The Complete Guide to Tarot” and “Tarot Journal for Beginners” can be found online at major book retailers.

If you are a medium (beginner and beyond) and would like to sit in circle over Zoom with other mediums, I have created a safe space for us to practice reading. Each person holds the floor for 15 minutes to read as the group holds space and validates when applicable. Some really profound and magical messages come through. If you are new or feel stuck, I will guide you along. It is an intimate setting and I would be so happy for you to join! We meet again this Thursday at 7:30pm EST. Click to Sign Up.